Of Love and Hate and Everything In Between
by JacksonFrost
Summary: There's a million shades of gray in between love and hate, and James and Lily discover them all. JPLE.


**Author's Note: **For Round 2 of "The Challenge That Must Not Be Named." Italicized parts are lyrics by Enrique Iglesias, Never Shout Never, Owl City, Jason Mraz, Making April, and Postal Service, respectively.

Reviews are always appreciated :)

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**Of Love and Hate and Everything In Between**

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i. _i can be your hero, baby_

For James, love is red hair and brilliantly green eyes. It is dustings of freckles on cheeks, it is vibrant laughter, it is bossy orders and angry stomping.

For James, love is Lily Evans, and so he puts up with Sirius' mocking, and Remus' pity, and Peter's endless questions of when she'd finally say yes to him.

He even puts up with Lily herself, with her irritated eye rolls and her repeated refusals and the pursed expression that she makes when he does something she disapproves of and reminds him of McGonagall.

He patiently puts up with all this and waits, because he loves Lily Evans, and he knows that one day, she'll love him back.

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ii. _baby, i don't want to risk it all for you_

Lily defines hate by that squirming feeling of disgust she gets whenever she looks at James' smirking face. It's that fireball feeling of irritation and anger whenever James does something stupid (which is often). It's how she has to mentally stop herself from smacking James when he's doing something as simple as laughing with his friends.

And what Lily hates the most about James Potter is that simpering, infuriating way he asks her out- over and over and over.

So she vents to Frank and Alice, spilling her hate in heated gushes of insults and curses. And she doesn't pay attention to their smirks or their raised eyebrows, or listen when Frank laughs and says things like, "Hate is a strong word," or when Alice looks at her knowingly and says, "The opposite of love isn't hate, you know. And no one could say you're indifferent to James."

She ignores them, because she hates James Potter and thinks she probably always will.

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iii. _if you cut me, i suppose i would bleed the color of the evening stars_

James has never really hated anyone before Severus. It started off as a mild dislike and the enjoyment of the fact that he was such an easy target. Sirius, of course, absolutely hated Snape from the beginning, resenting him for his pureblood ideals and the reminder of Sirius' family, but James saw him as just an easy laugh.

But when James notices Snape's close friendship with Lily, and the way that Snape can casually drape his greasy arm around Lily without her smacking him, he is filled with a hot rush of jealousy and something that feels like hatred.

And when he watches Snape over the next few days, and watches how he laughs with Lily, and how Lily lights up when he walks into the room, James knows the feeling is hatred, and he enthusiastically joins Sirius in Operation Make Snape's Life A Living Hell.

Bloody Snivillous.

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iv. _and i'm all alone again tonight (not again, not again, not again)_

Lily Evans is smart. There's no denying that, she's the top witch in her class (and behind James and Sirius and Remus, but she doesn't think about that). She's smart, and she knows that logically, one must be in love with someone to experience heartbreak.

So it doesn't make sense when she feels like crying when she watches James flirt with Marlene McKinnon. And when Marlene laughs and kisses James sloppily on the mouth, there is no logical reason for Lily to spend the rest of the day in bed.

She knows that she should listen to Remus when he pulls her aside and whispers that they're just trying to make her jealous and to not take it personally.

She knows this, and she knows that the wild myriad of emotions she's experiencing can't _really _be heartbreak, because she doesn't love James, but it's hard to tell herself this when all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and cry herself to sleep.

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v. _i was dying for our moment to arrive, now i'm running further just to feel alive_

Whenever James thinks he may be making progress with Lily, whenever he thinks that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't hate him as much as she used to, something happens that feels like a punch in the stomach and leaves James breathless.

His flirtation with Marlene, cleverly designed to leave Lily jealous and aware of what she's missing, fizzled out and died, and instead of having Lily waiting with open arms, James has to watch as Snivillous and Lily grow closer and closer.

He hates it, the very sight of the two strolling along the grounds, laughing and perfectly at ease, makes him want to throw up. He feels as if his heart has been mutilated, and _damn it_, it shouldn't hurt this much.

But it does, and even Alice's reassurances that Snape and Lily are just friends don't mean anything, because James isn't stupid and he sees how Snape looks at Lily- it's the same way James himself looks at Lily, after all.

James thinks miserably that he might have pushed Lily into the arms of Snape, and he hates himself for it.

But when bloody Snivillous calls Lily _that name_, and Lily's face goes from shocked to hurt to furious, James feels a wave of relief wash over him. It's followed by a crippling sensation of guilt, but he can't help but revel in the fact that Snape's and Lily's friendship is over.

And then he sees Lily fighting back tears in the Great Hall, and he feels as if his heart is breaking all over again.

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vi. _this could be a brand new start, with you_

Lily doesn't know when or where it happened, but she finds herself openly laughing at James' jokes, instead of becoming instantly annoyed. She looks forward to their Head duties, instead of dreading them. She feels butterflies in her stomach, instead of hot, fiery hatred.

And when she teasingly pats James' cheek, and he freezes, and their eyes meet, Lily doesn't look away. When he blushes and runs his fingers through his hair and says in a rush that he knows he's asked her so many times before, but would she like to go somewhere with him, Lily doesn't stomp her foot, hit him, or throw up her hands in frustration.

Instead, she smiles shyly and finds herself nodding her head. James is grinning stupidly in disbelief, and Lily can't believe it herself, but she should have seen it coming, it's always, always been James.

And so she stands on her tiptoes and lightly kisses James on the mouth, and whispers that she thinks she might possibly love him.

James looks at her and laughs and says, "I've loved you all these years. And I think I always will."

And Lily's falling, falling, falling.


End file.
